Raise your hand if you want to see the whole path of life?
Raise your hand if you analyze and consider all possible decisions before making a decision? Maybe you spend hours, days, weeks of thinking, planning, analyzing, and spreadsheets to make the perfect decision?
Or maybe you are a gut person. You go with your visceral instinct + intuition. You go by feel with people, with jobs, with places. If it “feels right” you do it. If it doesn’t, you don’t (or you do and later say to yourself, I “should have trusted my gut there…”)
I do both, so count me in to everything. We think that if we could see the whole path then we could be better prepared. And if we are better prepared we can live life differently. Not blind-sighted by curveballs. Not thrown off-track by things that seem clear in hindsight.
We think we will make different, better decisions if we know what will happen than if we do not know.
I come at this from two perspectives – of both leading + of being led. Of leading women who entrust their strength + conditioning to me on the journey to take them to their strongest, healthiest, most adventurous selves. And of being led through life by a power higher and greater than my own.
My head thinks that knowing what to expect is always the best thing, but that’s really my ego talking. My ego wants to protect me from challenge, from discomfort (even if it’s “good pain”), and from public embarrassment and shame.
My gut acknowledges knowing what to expect can often discourage + disempower because of my beliefs and emotions around my own abilities.
Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.
Unknown wise person
The truth is that if we know every step involved in an undertaking we will sometimes choose not to embark on the journey because it’s overwhelming. It’s too much, too hard, or too far.
We have different needs at different stages and phases of our lives. Sometimes I start clients with a 3-part workout that is <30 minutes OR on getting to the gym, picking any machine, and moving for 10 minutes because that’s the only part of their journey they need to see right now.
There’s no perfect plan. There’s no perfect choice. There’s only the next right thing right now.
The right choice is the one that gets you going on the path, not the perfect plan or the perfect preparation.
If the hubs and I knew how hard it would be to make our life in Boston – financially, as a married couple (we almost divorced), or spiritually (doubting, questioning, probing, almost discarding faith) – I think we both would have chosen a different path. But now, on the other side, we are stronger because of it and would not change a thing.
If I had known the tumultuous, heart-breaking, gut-wrenching, painful 10+ year journey counseling would take me on the first day I went, let me tell you. No freakin’ way. But I went that first day because I thought I needed Adderall for ADHD. And for every heart-breaking moment I have also received joy and freedom and peace. And I wouldn’t change a thing.
If I had known exactly how long it would take to transform my feelings around food. From a numbing and comfort agent to cope with uncomfortable feelings to punishment and rewards to eventually-8-years-later just being food + consequences… I would have said, forget it. That’s too hard. But the level of self-awareness and growth I have received from starting a journey that I thought was about fat loss is unmatched. And I wouldn’t change a thing.
If we know all the steps in our journey our ego will protect us from learning what we need to learn to get to the next phase + season of our life.
There’s more to this story. In the next parts of this series you will hear how this looks being led (Part II) and when leading the way (Part III).
But for today I want you to consider your life and your journey.
If you had known everything involved to get you where you are now then would you have started? I’m curious to read your thoughts.