I work with women from a variety of lifting backgrounds. Many do not have specific goals: I’m bored with ____ template; I’m inconsistent on my own; or I want to stay strong and healthy for as long as possible.
But when they have specific goals – first pull-up, lose 20 lbs, deadlift 300 lbs, increase flexibility (this much) – they ask, “How long will it take?”
“How long will it take?” is not about time-frame.
Instead, this question is about expectations, confidence in one’s own ability to follow-through with the necessary work required, + trust in the coach/process.
Here’s the thing – we want to be challenged. We want someone to see the possibilities in ourselves that we cannot.
But It’s difficult to endure hard things when you don’t know what to expect. What I’ve learned from coaching over the past 11+ years is that if you expect difficulties, reality is often (not always) much better and easier than the pain we’ve predicted.
We desire + need the thrill of uncertainty and also want an interpreter through the experience… someone who’s been there; someone who knows what this should feel like; someone who can guide them through the experience. This is why people hire a coach.
I used to try to eliminate bad feelings and fear in myself + my client with a constant drip of positivity. Always motivating. Always inspiring. Always defeating negative thoughts.
But that neither helped me nor my clients. The reality is that life is tough, goals are hard to attain, and it isn’t always easy. Instead, the path to the top of the mountain is paved with ACCEPTANCE because discomfort is the price of entry to success.
The top 1% in any sport don’t feel less pain or fewer negative thoughts than you. They simply have more exposure + practice navigating through them.
I take a Filipino martial art called Eskrima. Sometimes you want to shut an attack down head-on, absorb your opponent’s energy, and use it against them. Aiming to defeat fear with positivity is like this – a head-to-head attack + defense.
The problem is that this is a battle of wills. And I assure you fear is stronger than you. You must also have the skill of disarming fear… which I do not believe we have as it is an instinct evolved to PROTECT US from threatening events (perception or reality).
Another way to defend against an attack in Eskrima is called an Outside Sweep. In this strategy, you side-step to deflect the attack and your opponent’s energy. This gives you OPTIONS to run away OR stay and fight. A better strategy for dealing with fear + discomfort is the outside sweep.
You can train yourself to deflect the head-on battle with fear, to interact with it, and come out winning. This is how…
I coach clients to expect pain, expect discomfort, and expect fear and limiting beliefs. I also coach them how to interact with pain, discomfort, fear, and limiting beliefs.
First – accept that discomfort, challenge, and fear are part of this process. You cannot climb to the top without feeling them. And if you do… it’s clearly not the top.
Second – get comfortable with discomfort, challenge, fear, and mental blocks. NAME THEM. When you name a thing, out loud, it will lose some of its power over you. ACCEPT they are with you, maybe part of you, and you recognize and see it.
Three – Act anyway. Lift anyway. Take the last rep anyway. Go. The path to the top, to the goal, to the win is ONLY through repeat exposure through these three steps.
I work with many lifters who have experienced prior injuries and have fear around certain lifts and/or certain weights.
They are all good … until we go there. And their world falls apart.
This is NORMAL! It’s a protective mechanism.
Instead… I set expectations for their mental game + we create a strategy for their lifts.
We do not try to ELIMINATE the fear by “trying harder” or “ignoring it”.
Instead I acknowledge and accept what they are feeling and what they fear. It’s there. It’s real. It is.
And we create a plan, with steps, for how they will respond with the fear with courage. It could be a visualization process. Or writing down step-by-step what they will do.
The confidence this process produces is priceless. It’s self-confidence and autonomy that cannot be bought, only earned. And it creates better lifters and better humans.
Share a time when you tried to battle fear. Were you successful?